Porn Vs. Romance

Dear Jerk,

My ex-boyfriend was obsessed with porn. When I would go out of town or not stay at his place he would watch it. I would pretty much have to stay over every single night just to keep him from watching the stuff! Now, every guy I dated recently watches it too! Does every guy actually watch porn and why can’t they stop?

-E

 

E,

In order to find a guy that doesn’t watch porn, you would need to do the following:

Step 1: Build a time machine

Step 2: Take time machine to a time before the internet, written language, and cave drawings.

Step 3: Profit, after being clubbed in the head and dragged away

My question, what is it about pornography that bothers you so much? It’s just gross! What are you five? It’s like cheating on me! Watching naked people have sex is cheating? I guess all the millions of people watching Game of Thrones are screwed. It just sets up an unrealistic expectation of women and sets up a precedence of objectification of women as sex toys. Ah, now we are getting somewhere.

This does have slightly more traction than most of the arguments involving porn. So, let me get this straight. You would prefer that your boyfriend not fill his mind with things that make beautiful women look like objects of sexual desire. That warps the way we think about sex and love, because he is to separate reality from fiction.

Wow, Lady Gaga looks so regal and distinguished here. Look at her, nude colored bra and panties, with sex in her eyes, and her hair tussled. What a perfect way to portray such a powerful woman. Also, I’m pretty sure everyone picking up this magazine really is concerned with what her inspiration for her lyrics are, how she crawled her way to the top of the music industry in an electronic age, oh look:

lady gaga

Yes, I would love to have love advice from the woman that wrote this little gem:

I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it’s free
I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love)

Yes, I want your ugly disease ridden free love.

So, even if we stopped watching people have sex to satisfy our inner urges, we would still objectify women. I really don’t have to list out all the places in the world where women are places on the for front of objectification, but when women do it, it’s pretty fucking damning.

Now, when it comes to unrealistic expectations of women. The idea that pornography is what creates what is sexy, and what isn’t. That somehow, by us watching a movie we are going to need that in order to become aroused or we’ll never find average women attractive.

What you don’t realize, is that porn is a  100 billion dollar a year industry, and just like all other industries it is run by supply and demand. If I were to go out and make a porn with two old people having sex, it doesn’t matter how many copies I spread throughout the internet, old people and their saggy bodies will NEVER EVER become sexy.

Infact, the gay porn industry tried this logic, to promote safe sex. They made their porn stars use condoms during the scenes they shot to promote and change what is sexy. Can you guess what happened? Not a fucking thing changed, the people who thought condoms are uncomfortable, continued to think that, and the people who saw the value in them, continued to use them. Go figure.

Why aren’t men outraged at women watching porn? The men in these videos tend to be incredibly fit and well endowed and can lift these women over their heads and last for hours. Because sex is sex! We can’t even control our erections! Our penis is controled by our autonomic nervous system. We only control where we put it. Here are some of the things that the ANS does:

Promotes a “fight or flight” response, corresponds with arousal and energy generation, and inhibits digestion

  • Diverts blood flow away from the gastro-intestinal (GI) tract and skin via vasoconstriction
  • Blood flow to skeletal muscles and the lungs is enhanced (by as much as 1200% in the case of skeletal muscles)
  • Dilates bronchioles of the lung, which allows for greater alveolar oxygen exchange
  • Increases heart rate and the contractility of cardiac cells (myocytes), thereby providing a mechanism for enhanced blood flow to skeletal muscles
  • Dilates pupils and relaxes the ciliary muscle to the lens, allowing more light to enter the eye and far vision
  • Provides vasodilation for the coronary vessels of the heart
  • Constricts all the intestinal sphincters and the urinary sphincter
  • Inhibits peristalsis
  • Stimulates orgasm

Any of those things you have any power over? No. It’s similar to how love works. Right?

Using this same logic, men should be outraged by Romance novels and movies. We should storm out and demand that women stop watching romance movies, it distorts how love should be and sets up an unrealistic expectation of men. Look at this fucking guy from the Notebook.

What the hell? How are we supposed to compete with this? He only went to war and wrote his love a letter everyday, no big deal. After that, every woman in America fell in love with this guy, and then made their boyfriends watch it, hoping he would learn something. Imagine if we watched a porn, and told our girlfriend to watch it, and asked her, “Why don’t you do that for me?” Because that would be insane! It’s fantasy!

In fact, when asked by some website trying to brag about how cool romance novels are, women stated, in order, what they wanted in the heroes in romance novels they said:

1. Muscle bound

2. Handsomeness

3. Intelligence

When asked what the women in the story should have they said:

1. Intelligence.

2. Strength of Character

3. Attractiveness

So, the entire romance novel genre, which is growing by leaps and bounds, has women expecting to fall in love with someone who is most importantly muscular and handsome, and intelligent if the author has time, but attractiveness isn’t their number one concern for their heroines. This is by definition unequal expectations.

Men want a hot girl in porn, and for the large majority of male porn stars match the woman they are having sex with in attractiveness and physical fitness. This is created so that men and women can enjoy the experience together, as a couple.

Fact of the matter is this, both of these types of media entertainment are used to fill gaps in people’s lonely lives. In a relationship, it’s very possible to replace that void, just ask the person, what does this do for you, and how can I make these fantasies come true? The answer that they don’t want to say, but think of immediately for both genders, hit the gym.

jerk114

 

 

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