How Women Literally Crapped on Chivalry.

confused-woman

Dear Jerk,

I have a big problem. I just started dating this guy and every time I go over to his place I have to poop. I know this isn’t exactly the most girly thing to talk about, but it’s true. At what time is it OK for me to poop at my boyfriends house? How long should we be dating?

-S

S,

Let me explain something first: when you are smelling a fart or the left overs from an atomic bomb someone dropped in a toilet, you are smelling tiny poo particles and your nose sends a message to the brain and it registers it as dooky. In other words, you are breathing in shit.

If your goal is to spread your shit particles all over your boyfriend’s place and never have sex, then by all means tell him all about your need to go to the restroom and give him an after action review and a possible play by play. Also, it really helps to tell him that you need to eat more fiber because your stool isn’t soft.

"Baby, can you bring me an extra roll of toilet paper, a magazine, and a fresh box of Fiber One."

“Baby, can you bring me an extra roll of toilet paper, a magazine, and a fresh box of Fiber One.”

Men have this image of women being clean, neat and smelling like roses. If you break that, then they realize that you are human too and they will stop treating you like a magic unicorn handed down from God. The understanding of chivalry is that women are a magical and delicate creature that we, as men, must protect and preserve. When women shit up your bathroom and leave streaks in the toilet, all that goes away, and we realize that women aren’t magical — they are just animals like us. They won’t buy you dinner, jewelry or hold the doors for you. You wonder why chivalry is dead? Because women pooped on it.

chivalry-quiz-0208-de

“Just going to leave that there for you.”

If your goal is to keep a boyfriend and have him buy you shit, I mean stuff, and possibly have sex. You should possibly surgically implant a larger bladder and only poop at restaurants and your own place.

jerk11

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