Man of the Streets, but a Bunny in Bed

cute_bunny

“Pst, erm, uh, can you please touch my no-no zone?”

Dear Jerk,

How do I tell my boyfriend that he’s too much of a nice guy during sex?

-L

It’s a combination of passing air past your vocal chords, shaping your mouth, and positioning your tongue to form the words, “Yo, quit being a bitch and hulk out on me.”

2030286-hulk_6_art_b your face

Everyone woman wants to be the Red Hulk in this situation from time to time.

Men view sex like oxygen, water, and food. We will do whatever it takes to keep the constant supply of those things coming. If some girl said, yo, quit being a bitch or I’m going to strangle you. I would quit being a bitch and not get strangled.

Men need little food pellets like Pac-man. We need to know we are going in the right direction. If they aren’t doing the job, don’t make sex noises, make noises that sound like, “what the fuck are you doing.”

So, if you say, hey, Brandon (or whatever nice guys name themselves), the sex has been shit lately, why don’t you try being a man and be assertive. He has two options, he can be butt hurt and cry, or he can be a man and nod his head.

“But that’s mean, it will hurt his feelings you jerk.”

Good, sounds like he hasn’t had his feeling hurt enough. If he starts to cry or get butt hurt, he isn’t going to be the type of man you want him to be. If he, says OK, he’s one step closer to being a grown ass man. If you are in a steady relationship with some guy, you both need to benefit. So have an after action review, and do a play by play, or break up with him.

jerk114

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