Ladies, Make Up Your Damn Minds

 

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Dear Jerk,

I’m a 20 something girl and I’ve been single for a while because of my standards. I always meet cute guys, but they are like baby rabbits. Where have all the real men gone?

-C

 

C,

The real men? I love how women think that there is a secret island somewhere where all the real men have gone to. It looks like something out of a gay porn, but it’s actually a secret island where men go to build shit, box, and grow beards.

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Being a MAN isn’t something genetic. You are born male, but being a man is a fucking choice. There were tons of real men running around after World War II, and what did women do? They cried about sexism, burned their bras, grew arm pit hair, and went on sex strikes. Watch movies from that generation, the men were assertive and gruff, but all the women would do is sigh and request to the universe that they wanted a nice guy. Be careful what you wish for…

Ladies...

Ladies…

Now that a generation of men have been raise in school by the bra burning generation. They are taught to use their words, don’t be aggressive, and wait your turn. Now you can go to any city in America and throw a rock and hit a male that will apologize for getting hit in the face with that rock. Because of this, employment and college attendance is declining in men and climbing in women. Women are becoming the men from the 40’s and 50’s.

"Thanks for that Jimmy, now can you be a dear and fetch me my slippers and make me some breakfast."

“Thanks for that Jimmy, now can you be a dear and fetch me my slippers and make me some breakfast.”

The truth is, men want sex and so they keep their ear to the ground. Women on facebook, youtube, and the internet say things like, ‘he’s such an asshole’ ‘I hate all men, they are pigs, why can’t guys be nice’ ‘I want a guy with fashion sense’ ‘I want a guy that will cook for me’ ‘I want a guy that does laundry’ ‘I want a guy that will insert my tampon for me when I’m too lazy.’ So, guys, being adaptive listen, and they become the scarf wearing tampon experts they have become today.

"Heavy flow tampons: Check, and red wine: Check. I may actually have sex tonight."

“Heavy flow tampons: Check, and red wine: Check. I may actually have sex tonight.”

In reality, women have no fucking clue what they want. They are forces of nature, like the ocean, there are charts and figures and maps of where it will be, but that can all change with the weather, atmospheric pressure, and the orbit of the moon. Men are the surfers looking for a good time. Sometimes the waves are amazing and sometimes the waves key the word ‘asshole’ on your car for buying her the wrong kind of hairspray.

 

jerk111

 

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