Hold out for Post-Valentine’s Day Exodus Boys!

Dear Jerk,

Everywhere I go, I see attractive girls and they have boyfriends. I mean, are all the really great girls taken?

-J

J,

It’s all about timing my friend. Relationships go on cycles, they won’t be together forever — unless they are going to get married — and then you wait 5 years if you’re really patient. If you don’t want to wait 5 years for the girl of your dreams to become single again, I will show you the soft under belly of monogamy and when to raise your pikes and take her down.

Twice every year there is something that I will call, The Great Monogamy Exodus. During this exodus, people in a monogamous relationship begin to get tired of seeing each other naked and they start to get comfortable with each other’s bodily functions. She’s talking about her period more frequently and he’s farting under the covers. They begin to lose the original endorphin rush that was establish 6-8 months earlier (love).

BEHOLD, SCIENCE!

Above is a graph of all the break-ups per day as recorded by Facebook all over the world. As you can see there is about a 6-8 month span during the warm months where people are thin, healthy and sexually active, and then the fall months set in and people are gaining weight because of the holidays and staying indoors and getting on each other’s nerves, but as Christmas approaches no one wants to break up right before Christmas so they (women) wait until after Valentine’s Day and if they aren’t happy with their gift they break up.

So, if you’re single, you should start getting a lot more action within the next couple of months because everyone is trying to pair up before spring and summer time.

Good luck, and happy stalking those with a significant other.

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6 responses to “Hold out for Post-Valentine’s Day Exodus Boys!

  1. Nope, pretty sure I’ll still be as neurotic after Valentine’s day as I am now, which is really my problem isn’t it.

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