I’d Rather Hire a Prostitute than be a Yale G-Spot Test Subject.

"Let's just have a look here, yup that's the problem, you're a woman. You see here, that's the vagina."

Dear Jerk,

A study at Yale concluded that there isn’t a G-Spot in women. If brilliant scientists can’t find it, how can I?

-B

 

B,

Lets look at a day in the life of a Yale Vagina G-spot test subject.

Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky

Welcome to Yale, I’m your half wookie half doctor, Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky. I promise I will keep all of my curly hair and beard hair in your vagina, thanks. I  will be the one leading the project to look at your lady bits. However, I will look like this.

 

Nothing says sexy-time like plastic gloves, unnatural life, scalpels, and a breathy doctor.

 

Although, it is unnecessary for you to be completely naked for these tests, we have a few scientists that have never seen a naked woman, so could you please? I’m just going to put baby powder on my hand and stick it into your completely dry vagina. Nope, nothing there, just feels like the inside of a rubber glove with baby powder.

Now lay on this bench while this giant robot arm violates you.

"I'm sorry ma'am, the robot gets a little excited around naked women, so do we frankly."

Nope. Nothing.

Now we are going to rub strange liquid on your vagina and then we will hook you up to R2D2’s gay brother.

"Beep Boop Bee BEEP!"

Nope. Nothing.

Now that we have seen the insides of your insides and are guessing how many penises have visited there. We want you to get on this cold plastic slab and masturbate while we crowd around the screen and watch and send you into this thing.

Oh, the sound? Don’t worry about that. It’s not that annoying. Trust me… You’ll get used to it, now get naked again.

Just pretend you’re in a fire drill and you have to have an orgasm to make it stop.

Well, you’ve let us plug your naked body up to all the equipment in the hospital, let us probe you with a gloved hand, let us watch you masturbate while we fed you to a robot asshole, and we have concluded that we can’t find anything. Here’s 60 bucks for your time.

It’s no fucking wonder they didn’t find a G-Spot on these women. I’m sure her vagina was so dry it could have been used on a lotion commercial instead of alligators and sandstone.

These test subjects could have hired a giggalo, a sex ed teacher, one of the undergrads at Yale, the dirty old man around the corner, me, or a lesbian to find her G-Spot and got to keep at least a piece of your soul and we all probably would have found it.

And... boom goes the dynamite

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5 responses to “I’d Rather Hire a Prostitute than be a Yale G-Spot Test Subject.

  1. I…I can’t even. That was horrifying. Actually, I’m pretty sure I don’t have a G-spot now either. Because it shriveled up and DIED!!!

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