Double Standards Keep the World Going ‘Round

Dear Jerk,

Why is it that when women have several sexual partners they are held in a negative light and called sluts, loose, or whores, but when men have several sexual partners they are championed?

-J

J,

For the same reason there is no such thing as a male nymphomaniac, because we are all nymphomaniacs. Women hold all the keys to all the doors when it comes to heterosexual sex — with good reason.

Could you imagine a world where there was no social, emotional, or physical restraints on sex? We would get nothing done! We would simply take one look at each other, give a nod, and go on down to Sexyville. There is positive correlation between the economic down turn and average time and money men spend on a girl to have sex. Women’s prudishness is the only thing holding this flimsy economy and the world we live in stitched together.

This is what the world would look like if we were held in check.

Lets take a look at what the world would look like if you ladies didn’t hold back the proverbial sexual tsunami of men.

If women magically let loose their stranglehold/monopoly on the sexual market the first thing that would take a hit is the ‘Oldest Profession,’ and by the oldest profession, I don’t mean being a dick, because being a dick will always be around. By the oldest profession I mean prostitution. According to J.J. Potterrat¬† in his article Prostitution and the Sex Discrepancy in Reported Number of Sexual Partners his statistics extrapolated over the entire United States shows that there is an estimated 71,907 Working Girls. Especially in this economy, do you think it’s fair to put nearly 72,000 of your own gender on the streets with no means to make money!?

"Now that I don't have to pay for sex anymore, I can retire!"

The next thing that would take a giant hit is the restaurant and food service industry. With no reason to ‘Wine and Dine,’ take her dancing, or lie about how rich you are, the only people who would go to restaurants are old people who can’t have sex and parents taking their annoying kids on their birthday and we all know how bad old people and children tip! Fed up with the tips and lack of regular sane adult customers, the servers will quit and the restaurants will all close down. Ladies and gentlemen with the food service industry gone, that is 16.5 MILLION jobs and 10% of our gross domestic product! Food quality would take a nose dive and the only food that would remain is frozen foods, and romen noodles.

"This one says 350 degrees, is that a setting on the microwave?"

With America’s past time being switched from Baseball to Sexytime, and the rise in popularity in being stupid, the population of The United States would EXPLODE from 312,642,000 to nearly 1 billion ga-gillion googleplex babies! With 1 billion ga-gillion googleplex screaming moaning pooping babies our landfills would go from being filled with Nickleback CD’s to feces filled diapers! Just like cow farts polluting the ozone layer, the air would be thick with baby poo particles and heat would be trapped with in our atmosphere and we would all die of suffication.

"OUR POOP WILL BLOT OUT THE SON!"

So ladies, each one of you should think of yourself as the gatekeeper from Ghostbusters… with less sexual desire… maybe that’s not the best example. Without you ladies to keep us confused on how to have sex with you the world would come to a sharp and terrible poop filled end.

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7 responses to “Double Standards Keep the World Going ‘Round

    • See, that is the only valid argument that I have heard, to date, to back up getting into a monogamous relationship. I mean who is going to me to get out of the house while it is on fire when I am thinking about sexy time?

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