Is Your Pet Suffering From Stockholm Syndrome? Yes…

"Quick send for help, she smells like Ben-Gay."

Dear Jerk,

Why are there so many people out there who post pictures of their pet on facebook? I don’t want to see your dog in a sweater from 17 different angles.



Pets, why hasn’t PETA gotten on this band wagon yet? They freak out about us killing creatures and eating their tasty flesh to survive, but kidnapping the child of an animal and holding it hostage until it dies and then repeating this process until WE die isn’t worthy of mention?

"Oh look George, he's a little Dino now, how cute."

Lets imagine a world for a moment where we weren’t the driving force in the world anymore. Let’s imagine a world where there wasn’t an ice age and dinosaurs evolved just like we did, but dinosaurs live to be 10 times as long as we do, they live to be a thousand years apiece.  Did I mention they were giant and had sharp teeth?

Now, imagine you’re one and  a half years old you are taken from your crying mother and adopted by two giant Brontosauruses. They snuggle with you the whole way and then beat you with their tail when you poop where they don’t want you to.

Eventually, your memories of your parents are a distant faded image and all you know is your Bronto-family. When Dino-ween every year comes along, they dress you up in scales. Because they forget that your a human, and scales make your delicate skin itchy, and you take off their costume, but they keep putting it back on you and laugh.

Fast forward to your death, you’re old and you’ve got osteoporosis, cataracts, and high blood pressure and they don’t want to deal with you pooping on yourself anymore, so they take you to the vet and they put you down and steal a new human from their crying mother and start over until they die.

Is this right? No, it isn’t. The definition of kidnapping from to steal, carry off, or abduct by force or fraud.

“But I buy the dog from the breeder!”

Oh ok, so if you pay someone to kidnap your boss’s son it’s OK right? No…

“But I don’t use force!”

Oh, so if the mother wants to try and get her child back, you just push her face away and put her in another cage?

"Happy Mother's Day, now make us more puppies you bitch!"

Nathalie Fabrique in her book Understanding Stockholm Syndrome  says, “In psychology, Stockholm Syndrome is a term used to describe a real paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them.”

So, you kidnap a dog from it’s mother, forcing her to not be able to protect her young, and then you keep your dog from escaping and discipline it when it does. Eventually, the dog doesn’t try to escape and it grows to love you unconditionally. STOCKHOLM!

The FBI’s Hostage Barricade Database System shows that roughly 27% of human victims show evidence of Stockholm Syndrome and 100% of dogs owned by humans show evidence as well.

One response to “Is Your Pet Suffering From Stockholm Syndrome? Yes…

  1. I’d rather be abducted by a Pterasaur. There’s a good chance those tiny arms couldn’t hold me, and I’d have plenty of free time while it went flying. It would probably build me a nice, stick nrst that pokes me while I nap. But knowing no better, I will be grateful. Each time it regurgitates fish down my throat… I will be grateful…

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