Five Reasons Why Women Should be Feared: Number One

#1: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

"Let's see how he likes scissors to the dick."

 

From the beginning of time, well my time, which is the beginning of time, I loved action movies. I would stay up late and watch Arnold battle the Predator, Jean-Claude fight the Asian dude with boobs, and Steven Seagal break more necks than whiplash, but one scene stood out from the rest and that is the final scene from Aliens. The Aliens snag Ellen Ripley’s adopted daughter/doll and take her down to the depths of the space station. Ellen Ripley, soon after setting the station to blow up, proceeded to go down the elevator, and get her adopted daughter back. What got me wasn’t that she set the station to blow up THEN went after the biggest baddest monster on the block, but while she was going down the elevator to kick some ass she is duct taping a machine-gun to a flame thrower to a grenade launcher — DUCT TAPING A MACHINE-GUN TO A FLAME THROWER TO A GRENADE LAUNCHER.

If you can't duct it, fuct it... that's not right.

I look at my dad while watching this movie and said, “Dad, did she just duct tape a machine-gun to a flame thrower?” He looked at me with genuine concern in his eye and said, “Son, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

Long story short, she gets her kid back and fights off the Queen mother alien with a robot suit, Power Ranger style AND WINS!

This doesn’t just happen in movies boys and girls, this happens in real life. women, when pissed, will kick the shit out of you.

On June 6, 1808 Napoleon’s invincible army was on the march through a town called Valdepeñas. Juana Galan, who was a barmaid at the time knew they were coming. Most of the men from the town were off fighting else where so she did what any sensible woman would and gathered all the women from the town barricaded the town on all sides but one and prepared for battle. Since they’ve been living so closely together ,during the war, they harnessed the power of the united PMS rage.

ARRRRRRUUUUUAAAGGGH!!!!

The women poured boiling water, threw stones, and shot what few rifles they had at the advancing veteran army that had nearly conquered Europe already. Juana Galan, who wasn’t satisfied with pouring water like a coward, she wanted blood. Armed with  a STICK, Juana proceeded to beat the French with her stick until the RETREATED! This victory cause the French to be eventually beaten in Spain. They made a statue of her for her bravery and her bo-staff skills.

Stop... in the name of blood.

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8 responses to “Five Reasons Why Women Should be Feared: Number One

  1. I just love it! You’re learning…..
    Well, you knew if you stopped by my place that I would eventually find my way to yours, right? No surprise here? It’s taken me a few days to try and work out the kinks from being back, deleting hundreds (I’m not exaggerating either) of emails pertaining to posts, comments, etc., stopping by my readers, subscriptions…and I saved your ass for last! Ha..ha.. What can I say, your forthrightness intrigued me. That and your wit will make you a helluva blogger, my friend.
    Well, I’m subscribing because I like a person who speaks their mind and doesn’t give a shit what others think, and am curious as to what your further blogs hold. Tread lightly though my friend. The women on this forum our cannibalistic and can eat you alive! 😉 Good post!

  2. I love how guys only invoke this line after the fact. Dudes, save yourselves and just don’t create the evil scorned-woman in the first place!

    • Haha, yes, Lorena Bobbit, I actually hinted at her in my blog about getting away with violence. Thanks for bringing up the image of dismembered penisi (That’s the new plural for penis FYI).

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