Five Reasons Why Women Should be Feared: Number Five.

Dear Jerk,

My wife flipped out on me and started breaking things for washing her clothes today, but last week I did the exact same thing and she thanked me. Did I do something wrong? SHE’ COMING BACK! SHE’S OUT OF MY STUFF TO BREAK! HELP! ZEUS’S BEARD MY ARM, SHE BROKE IT! SHE BROKE MY ARM!

-Jim

Jim,

RUN BUDDY RUN!

-Jerk

It’s probably too late for Jim… but let his death be a lesson to us all, women are not to be underestimated. They may be smaller and weaker, but what they lack in logical reasoning and raw punching power they make up for in unpredictability and patients. Every woman has this quote in the back of her mind:

“When the enemy is too strong to be attacked directly, then attack something he holds dear. Know that he cannot be superior in all things. Somewhere there is a gap in the armour, a weakness that can be attacked instead.

Wáng Jìngzé

AKA right for the Wang Jingze Women are ruthless, cunning and patient and should be feared above all else. So, just in case this is news to you over the next five blogs I’m going to write the five reasons why women should be feared like the plague.

#5: They Can Commit Violent Crimes and Get Away With It

I can’t make it past 1:50.


Although, it may seem that the beautiful woman or girl in your life is kind and gentle, and tells you she loves you, you can never turn your back on her.  At any moment she could burst into a violent blood thirsty rage and beat the CRAP out of you for no other reason than because the devil told her to or because you are cheating on her with an imaginary woman.

In this New York Times article a woman beats the crap out of her 4 year old daughter and has the case dismissed because she was on her period. Let me rephrase that for you just in case you missed it or don’t understand the repercussions. A woman does something extremely violent and gets away with it because she was on her period — something that is inherent to women. That’s like me getting away with stealing a hamburger because I was hungry, except the hamburger is a person and by steal I mean brutally beat, and by hungry I mean filled with monthy FEMININE RAGE! AAAAAARUUUUGH! DOES MY BUTT LOOK BIG!?

The Judge said ”Inasmuch as disruptions of the mind are admissible evidence in a criminal case, why should physical eruptions of the body likewise not be admitted?” WHAT! WHY NOT!? THEY HAVE A PERIOD ONCE A MONTH! So, because she is excused from her violent behavior that means that violence should be expected and tolerated from women once a month. So men, I suggest you find out how the menstrual cycle works and fast — before it’s too late.

The Menstrual Cycle -- the mission if you choose to accept it.

Gentlemen, if we don’t figure the ancient mysteries of this cycle, we will all surely be swallowed up in white hot feminine rage and the world will be covered in curtains and throw rugs. We need to act now, and put out greatest thinkers at this so we may survive THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!

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